They Got More Bounce in California

Officials

1) Officially in the "Application Pending" phase of my New York Bar admission, which is lawyer code for "passed the bar, but my character is still in question until my friends notarize some forms for me."

a. Thus far, my friends have been much more effusive in their praise of me than my traditional legal employers, who offer statements such as, "In my brief contact with Applicant, she never gave me reason to question her moral character." *blush*

2) Officially registered for the February 2012 California Bar Exam.

a. Why is this exam so expensive?

3) Officially soft-registered for Themis's California Bar Course. When I say "soft-register," I mean that I had an online chat with a sales representative who added the course to my account at a, still overpriced, alumni rate. I allowed this to happen after I was assured that no money was due up front.

a. "Buy now, pay later," has always worked out well for me in the past. See Law School.

A Glimpse into the Future

In the spirit of my post-law school life, here is a melodramatic quote from a (very good!) book I just finished called Q: A Novel by Evan Mandery:

"'[P]rofessors decline to mention the most complicating detail about what happens after you graduate from law school: you have to be a lawyer.

'At that point, you can forget about public policy and doing justice. The moment you receive your diploma you become a lackey, whose job is to sift through boxes of documents and research obscure points of law, and take calls at three in the morning on a Sunday from some client in China who can’t remember the time difference. And when he calls, you can’t say, ‘Who do you think you are, it’s three o’clock in the fucking morning!’ You say, ‘Yes sir, what do you need me to do and by when do you need it?"

'The job is like a noose. Only you can't kick the chair out from under you and end it in an instant. It gets progressively tighter, but incrementally and so slowly that you hardly notice the change, until one day you realize that you cannot breathe anymore and you ask yourself, how did this happen? You are choking on your life, and there's no way out.'"

Eastward Bound

After a month-long respite in California, I am returning to the hurriquake ravaged East Coast to pursue my post-law school fortune. I am fortunate in that I have been granted a 6-month reprieve, in the form of a fellowship, from the world of permanent employment.

Hopefully, this period of limbo will allow me to find a job that I do not instantly wish to quit. Perhaps it will allow me to study for the California Bar Exam. Most likely, it will allow me to make questionable, counterproductive life choices, such as emulating the hairstyle of this woman of Ms. Universe, Project Runway, and sex tape fame:



I think it could be moderately professional when paired with a pencil skirt.

All-Access Pass

One bar down, indeterminate number to go/retake.

The Days Are Full

As the Bar Exam creeps closer, a mere 4 days away, my days have become overwhelming. Today, for instance, I left my house at the crack of 11 to meet my friend for coffee, bagels, and pressing Bar Exam discussion. Our topics of conversation veered from, "What if I finish the three morning essays in an hour...can I just leave?" to "I mean they can't really make secured transactions the bulk of a question..." to "So basically Conflict of Laws is just Neumeier... ."

After a good two plus hours of probing conversation and kitten videos, I returned home where I could barely squeeze in six episodes of the first season of Glee, the latest episode of the Glee Project (with live gchat commentary), and a terrible ABC Family movie.

While I am concerned that I know little of NY CPLR aside from what I learned from the New York Practice power point I endured Fall Semester, today I found myself more concerned with the yellowing condition of my teeth. I spent time clicking through amazon.com products rather than through practice essays.

If I do not pass the Bar Exam, it will only be for lack of studying. At least I will have a whiter smile.

What I Learned Today

Nothing related to the bar exam.

But did you know they make Chocolate Pirate's Booty?



I'd like to think this product was created, in part, to address the problem of having white snack powder visible on black work pants after a lunchtime booty binge. Chocolate powder is much more professional.

Faculty Flair Favorite Round 2

This week's Faculty Flair award goes to Professor Frederic Bloom of Brooklyn Law School. Professor Bloom recognizes a break when he sees one. Here was an opportunity to get out of Brooklyn, and dammit if he was going to let the shoddy work of a tripod and a drab tie hold him back. This is a man who demanded to see the dailies and insisted on wardrobe and camera angle alterations to maximize his star potential.

Upon first encounter with Professor Bloom in video 1 of the New York Evidence videos, he appears diminutive and underwhelming in his broad green tie and three button cardigan.




But by video 3 of New York Evidence, Professor Bloom has viewed his earlier footage and understands that changes must be made.

He dashes from the portrait studio and into the men's section where he finds a new, yet equally broad, orange tie. As he holds the tie up to his neck to ensure that its color is adequately striking, he notices his bangs are in disarray. After a few sideward glances to make sure no one in the store is watching, he quietly spits into his fingers and slicks his side-bangs forward. With his bangs in place and new tie in hand, he returns to the portrait studio. Along the way, he passes a family with two screaming toddlers dressed in Easter finery, impatiently waiting their turn to pose before the studio's marbled brown backdrop. Professor Bloom offers them a weak smile, knowing that the family will be waiting many more days, perhaps even weeks, for Themis to relinquish the portrait studio.

Once inside the studio, Professor Bloom moves the tripod on which the camera sits a few feet closer to his podium to create the illusion of a commanding presence. Before he begins recording, he remembers to correct his stance, placing his arms away from his torso and instantly slimming himself 10 pounds from videos 1 and 2.




Professor Bloom continues lecturing, confident in his editorial changes. Until video 4 when he is overcome with uncertainty and switches back to his video 1 and 2 attire.



By video 6, fickle Bloom is back to orange, and the family with the screaming toddlers is no closer to having its Easter portrait taken.

So here's to you Professor Bloom. Your wry humor, Wu Tang Clan jokes, and collection of broad ties kept my attention long enough to hear that New York only allows reputation evidence. I hope that was the main takeaway from your lectures. I look forward to seeing you in a whole new cardigan in Conflict of Laws.

Creative Solutions

Today I bought Dove® Men+Care™ Deep Clean Body and Face Bar, the soap of men, because I find there is not enough time to smell real men while studying for the bar.

Introducing Faculty Flair Favorite

I've spent a fair amount of time with my bar-review-certified professors via internet streaming of their lectures. When not scrambling to fill in my legal Mad Libs, I sometimes question how these professors were selected to lecture for a bar review course.

I do not question the expertise of these professors in their legal field, nor do I envy their task of talking at a camera for hours on end in what appears to be a J.C. Penny Portrait Studio.

I sometimes question why these professors are willing to have themselves recorded for the benefit of law graduates, whose resentment at having to sit indoors watching them grows with each completed Mad Lib page. But then I remember that these poor professors are just standing alone in that Portrait Studio, trying to earn an extra buck or two to tack onto their six-figure salaries.

I always question the outfit choices of these professors. The dreariness of watching men in neutral suits and ties speak against a neutral backdrop is hard to take, and is likely the reason I so often open a new browser tab for celebrity gossip updates.

The monotony of the lecturers' appearance is also the reason for a new segment I would like to call "Faculty Flair Favorite" (name subject to change). Each week in Faculty Flair Favorite I will highlight one bar review lecturer whose personal style (fashion, lecturing, etc) did not cause me to minimize or click out of his or her video within the first 15 minutes of his or her lecture.

This week, the Faculty Flair Favorite is Professor Susan Vivian Mangold from the State University of New York at Buffalo Law School for her PTA meeting style and confident, if lengthy, self-introduction. Professor Mangold adds some Coldwater Creek-chic to her Family Law lectures with a robin's egg blue cardigan and turquoise necklace. Additionally, at the beginning of each lecture, Professor Mangold makes clear that, though she may dress like your mother, she has a fifteen word title, and she is not embarrassed to use it twelve times over. So kudos to you, Professor Susan Vivian Mangold from the State University of New York at Buffalo Law School.

Coronation

Today someone told me that three years of law school and countless hours of bar exam preparation were not in fact leading up to a ceremony in which I would be given a crown, scepter, and satin sash emblazoned with the word "LAWYER."

Duped.